He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
