you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
