this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
