Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
