So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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