i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
