If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
