Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
