i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
