Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
