I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
