He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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