fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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