meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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