eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
