I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
