I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize