I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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