Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
