so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
