i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
