You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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