just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
