Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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