well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
