She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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