remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
