? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
