Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
