I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
