you didnt know i had herpes?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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