The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
did you just send me my own nude
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize