you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
