fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
