Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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