period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Let's get the cat blown out
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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