You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
