This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
