I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
