So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
