my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
