his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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