I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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