I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
