I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
