she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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