love makes seman taste better
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
