He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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