My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
