i don't like sucking hair
Please, let me fuck your mom
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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