if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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