Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
