Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
