im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
