the condom got lost in my hair
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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