you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
