i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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