Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
