I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize