i already hear my dad disowning me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
