Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
