Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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