Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
