My sheets look like a crime scene.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
