It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
