Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
