I need help removing her.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
