Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
