god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
