I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
