i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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