Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
