Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
