yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
