Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
