Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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